This, A Final Goodbye
by JustSlightlyConfused
Summary: A piece for a man that meant so much to so many. One who brought so much happiness and passion to all that he did. So much that we will always, always, remember.


**Hello everyone. The past two days have been unreal in a sense, and I know how hard it is for many of you to process what has happened. You are not alone. Many people are hurting today. Find comfort in others, please. Things will get better, I promise. It took me some time to decide how I wanted to address what I was feeling. And the only way I could think to express everything was to write. Just like I always have. Rather than have this be a regular Star Trek story, I wanted something that conveyed all the things we still have because of Anton. We have not lost the characters he made and brought to life. We have not lost the stories and the memories. I wanted to create something that expressed what he meant to so many people, myself included. So this is for Anton Yelchin. For everything he was and everything he did. There will never be another like you and we will never, ever forget you.**

* * *

I can't begin to tell you how many people are mourning your loss today. Nor can I explain what it felt like to read that headline; to feel like somebody sucked the air straight out of me in the pure whirlwind of a panicked moment.

I can't begin to tell you how many pictures I've seen today. How man tributes and memorials have sprung up overnight. It feels almost wrong looking at them sometimes. We never saw very much of you because we knew you didn't really like the spotlight anyway. We would have loved to see more of you. But not like this. Never like this.

I can't begin to tell you how my heart aches as I sit quietly and think of all the things you were meant to do. All the things that were ahead, in your future. There are no words to convey this feeling of complete and irrevocable sadness.

I can't begin to tell you what you've done for everyone that cried for you today. I wish you could know just how much you meant to so many people. I wish you could see the people you motivated; the people you inspired. There are millions of people, affected a little or affected a lot, by who you were and what you did.

I can't begin to tell you the sheer heartbreak that reverberates through every part of me as I write this. It's something I wish I couldn't feel.

There are so many things I can't begin to tell you. But that is why I'm writing this now.

You inspired me to do so much; to achieve so much. When everything felt dark, I still had something there. Whether it was Charlie Bartlett or Odd Thomas or Pat or Quentin or Pavel Chekov, there was always something there to make me smile. To make me laugh.

And I won't ever have the words to express how grateful I am to you for that silver lining of happiness among some of the worst times in my life. You meant so much to me and so much to so many people I know.

I wanted so badly for someone to blame for this. I wanted so badly for nothing of it to be real. I was consumed by an overwhelming grief at the thought of your absence. It felt so dark and so hopeless. I cried. I cried so much for you and for the rest of your unlived life and how 27 years is not nearly, not even by a far shot, long enough.

But as I drove home on the highway today in my car, I had this strange impulse. This overwhelming feeling of something that I had to do. I flipped on the radio and put in some music and turned the stereo up as loud as I possibly could. And I played Stay with You, a song from one of your movies. And I blasted the music, rolled down the windows, and let everything go all at once. And I screamed along to the song until my lungs felt like they would burst.

There was some kind of strange energy in that moment. The wind flying wildly through the car and the sunset shining through my windows. I smiled. I smiled so widely and, of all things, I laughed. Out loud. I laughed and smiled and I yelled out the chorus of that song so loudly that the people driving alongside me probably thought I was crazy.

But I don't care. Something in me realized, in that moment, that everything you did, everything you were, is still here.

All the memories and laughs and jokes and movies and happiness are all still here.

I know you are gone, but your legacy is not.

You and everything you were and stood for will live on in the millions of people you touched the hearts of.

I know I can speak for many when I say we will always be grateful for the moments you shared with us and the memories you created.

We love you Anton, and we are going to miss you very much.

Thank you for everything you gave and everything you did.

We will always remember you and your legacy.

Always.


End file.
